Absence makes the heart grow fonder

This Thursday will mark 2 months since my precious Mom left this earth.  2 months.  I’ve been pondering that all day.  Today was one of those days where something happened pretty major in my life, which usually triggered a phone call to Mom.  She was a wealth of wisdom on so many topics, but one topic I truly valued her insight and discernment on was parenting.  My kids and Angie’s kids were so important to her, so I always knew she would give me honest counsel.  Not just what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear regarding my kids.  As my morning unfolded, this challenging situation I was facing then turned to grief.  After getting in a good cry, I stopped and listened.  Here’s what the Lord brought to my mind and my heart -

HE is our ever present help in time of need.  HE is.  HIM.  I miss my Mom.  Nothing could ever replace her.  Her wisdom was a treasure, yet this truth remains – HE is ever present.  In that moment, I felt His love and His peace embrace me.  I am not alone.  Thank you Lord for that sweet reminder.  Needed it big time.

Psalm 46

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song. ^[a]

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

⁸ Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

⁹ He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields ^[b] with fire.

¹⁰ “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

And then there were….SEVEN!

I laugh out loud every time I try to say how many people are in our family now.  Seven.  I usually say 8 first (because I keep losing count), then I remember I just had ONE baby this time (hee hee) which brings us to a grand total of (drumroll please)……Seven Spulers.  I just love when I’m out with Gage by myself and I’m asked if he’s my first.  I’m probably asked that because I’m gazing at him and drooling over him the way most first-time moms do.  I don’t have the words to explain what a TIMELY blessing my sweet Gage has been.  Anyhoo, back to the first time mom thing.  I love…I L-O-V-E the reaction on people’s faces when I say he’s my 5th!  Priceless!!  This is usually followed by them telling me how young I look (this part is good for me!), and I proceed to brag and give details on all of my kids as if they’d asked.

I am in love.  For real.  Never have I felt that one of my babes was such a direct and timely and purposed gift from God.  I believe this to be true of all of my kids (and yours too!) – their value is so far beyond anything in this world.  However,  I’m just so much more aware this time around with sweet baby Gage.  I’m asked so often “how am I doing it?  how am I doing with soooo much at once….new baby….grief?”  Honestly, I don’t know.  Somedays I’m not doing it, whatever “it” is.  If “it” is surviving, then yes, I accomplish that one day at a time.  If “it” is surviving gracefully and purposefully then I’d have to say I many days take a pass.

I feel like I’m learning how to ride a bike all over again, and it’s not coming back easily.  Nothing feels natural.  Everything feels deliberate and intentional.  Learning to live this life without Mom is unnatural.  I have to say – I’m faking it……which reminds me of  a Bevism!!  ”Choose it until you feel it.”  (Sidenote:  A  Bevism is a phrase my mom was famous for saying.)  I’ll never forget her teaching me this about forgiveness.  That forgiveness is not a feeling, that we CHOOSE to forgive.  If we’re faithful to choose it one day at a time, eventually “our emotions will line up with our choice.”  Ahhh.  I love that!  So, I’m doing as my mom taught me to do.  I’m transferring her principal over to how to deal with grief.  I will choose to be present, purposeful, and passionate about life…..and I will keep choosing it until my emotions line up with my choice.   I’m pretty sure Mom was just teaching me a universal lesson on faith.  See Hebrews 11 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2011&version=NIV).  Wow.  If that were the only lesson I learned from her, that’s a lesson I will cherish and that has changed me.

I’m sort of liking the randomness of this blog, and so I will continue into the sea of randomness.  Looking up at the title of this post – “And then there were…SEVEN”  I’m thinking I feel a sense of completion and and a sense of rest that God must have felt on that seventh day.  Work, work, work, work, work, work.  Rest.  The rest God has given me in my sweet precious Gage is indescribable.  At a time in life where I’m experiencing loss and grief that i’ve never known.  Uncharted territory.  He’s used the gift of all gifts – the gift of life – to bring me rest. Thank you Lord for your surprises.  As I always say and hope to be famously known for – “God surprises are the best surprises!”  Thank you Lord for your provision of rest in this time of grief.  One day at a time,  I will choose.

By faith.

A day in the life….

I haven’t blogged in 8 months!  What the what! (I have to say…this is my favorite new expression thanks to 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon!  I have to be careful with it, but I do sincerely love it!). 

I have been staring at the screen.  So many profound thoughts flying around inside my brain (not!).  I would so love to enrich your life with a saying, a quote, a scripture.  Instead I am leaving you with a summary of my day.  Simmer down, now….just read on!

Since a “day” is a period of 24 hours….let’s start on Friday evening.  Elevate hosted a Youth Movie Night last night under the stars.  We watched Mamma Mia Sing-a-long on the big screen!  What fun!!  At this stage of church planting, Jonathan and I are also the youth pastors.   Soooo, it was one of those nights where the kids were along for the ride.  They actually had a blast.  I’m pretty sure that Emma sang and danced more than the rest of us combined!  She made many new friends, most of which were 16 yr. old girls, and the boys loved eating birthday cake as we celebrated David Dye’s birthday.  Ethan actually took a huge bite out of the corner of the cake as we gathered to sing.  Then he found a fork and was settling in right in front of the cake.  He’s funny.  All-in-all it was a fun night.  Owen and Colin were so proud of themselves because they helped Jonathan with all the errands preceeding the event, and also helped setup the sound system, lay down blankets, etc., etc.  While they were out setting up, I was at home popping bags and bags of popcorn.

Today, Saturday, I’ve determined to clean the garage as Jonathan studies and preps for Sunday.  Between the kids spilling bubbles everywhere and sprawling bikes all over the yard, I didn’t accomplish everything I’d hoped to.  However – I still got a lot done!!!!  I think the last time I blogged was when we moved into our house.  So here it’s been 8 months since I blogged, yet we are STILL MOVING INTO OUR HOUSE!  I’ve made it a goal to accomplish one thing per week over the summer.  We have a long list of projects, but I’m sure if I break it down we’ll accomplish a lot this summer.

Better run.  We are loading up the kids for our Saturday Smoothie Drive, as we call it.  Booster Juice has $3 smoothies all day on Saturdays, so we all get our antioxidants while driving around putting out the Elevate Church signs for Sunday’s service. 

Later.

Crazy pumped

I totally forgot to mention that WE”VE MOVED!!!!  If you need our new address just email me.  I won’t post it on here in case of any freaks.    But we are crazy pumped.  We have been driving 40 minutes across town to the church we are starting, along with trying to get involved in this community.  We’ve been  praying for direction for months about where and how to move.  It has all worked out and we moved into our new home this last week.  God is so faithful.  We know God has given us a heart for this community.  Now we see Him providing for us to live here, just half a mile from where our church meets.  We can’t wait to see the plans He has for our family here.  We are so excited and so pumped, yet so humbled to serve this community. 

Can’t wait to give updates in the near future!!  Isn’t it exciting when you feel momentum, and it’s in your favor??  

Okay, that’s my 2nd post tonight, and I haven’t posted in 2 months!  I’m thinking a medium coffee from dunkin on 10 pm wasn’t such a great idea.  (all my posts however seem to follow very similar statements involving coffee)

From baby curls to big boy….

Okay, so many of you have probably already received my emails about Ethan’s haircut.  Others of you probably heard the big news on facebook.  Well…my baby boy got his haircut!!!  This was such a big deal for me.  I know it must seem silly, but Ethan was my one and only baby with curls.  And I mean beautiful, long curls.  Gorgeous.  I mean rockstar, for real.

I have been pondering cutting his hair for a few reaons.  A – he can’t really see unless he leans his neck WAY back and angles his head (that should’ve been enough!!), and B – I’ve been asked one too many times lately how old my twin “girls” are.  Hmmm.  Actually last week I took only Ethan to the grocery store with me (that has never happened…it was actually his first time in the grocery cart) and no lie 4 PEOPLE said what a pretty girl I had!!!  He is beautiful, but he’s no girl!  Come on people!!!!

So enough drama – my baby ain’t a baby.  He’s big.  He says “cool” to everything.  He says “I love you Mommy!”  So I guess I’m through that stage of babies.  It’s hard to believe.  I’ve only been in the baby stage, so this is all new territory for me to not be pregnant or nursing….all 4 kids walk, talk, and brust their teeth!  And NOW Ethan has joined the ranks of his older brothers.  He’s one of them now.  Here’s pics…..tell me what you think!!

fa la la la la

Okay.  So I am a team player.  I LOVE playing on a team.  Individual sports, or anything else for that matter is just not my thing.  I was on the cheerleading team, the math team, I actually think I was even on a Spanish quiz team.  Hmmm.  Did you know I was even on the soccer team, but just for 1 day?  Long story.  Oh geez, I was a nerd.  Did I mention that in my piano performance days, my favorite performance was the multi-keyboard concert when we would have about 6-10 pianos and performers on stage performing at the same time.  I guess it was like Jelly Rolls or one of those dualing piano bars, minus the bar and the booze.  OK….back to the point, however pointless it might be is.    So when someone on the team needs for me to step up to the plate….I’m there!  Unless the team is the worship team, and the “plate” is a microphone!  (I get butterflies in my stomach just typing that!).  So in this journey of starting a church, I’ve been presented with an interesting challenge (or maybe better referred to as “growth opportunity”).  Jonathan and I are both on the worship team right now with our friend Igor, who is doing an awesome job leading the team and the congregation in worship.  Igor wants me to be mic’d!  AGH!  Doesn’t he know that I grew up playing for my sisters to sing….as I hid behind the piano??  So anyway, one does what must be done.

When I arrive at church this morning, the stage was already setup and ready to go.  There stood the mic.  I looked at it.  I bent it here and there.  I was trying to get the proper stance (I really did feel sort of like a batter at home plate….step up….step back….step up….you get the picture).  To make a pointless story have a point – I sang!  At least some noise come out, and I know God enjoyed it….it was for Him.  I really was just enjoying singing out to God, praising Him for who He is and what He’s done.  It was a sweet service.  Well, I guess I was subconsciously not as comfortable as I thought I had become.  I suddenly felt awkard – and I was!  I had been backing away from the keyboard and the mic…..it was like a game of how far can my arms stretch and still reach the keys….I sort of wish I was the star of a reality tv show and cameras had captured the peculiar distancing that was occuring between me and the instrument……picture junior high dance 12 inches apart rule….this was me and my piano.  Too funny.  In the middle of service I actually had to take steps towards the piano.  It was FUNNY!!!  No one knew about this whole song and dance but me.  I guess that’s why it’s so funny.  Do you ever do things that make you laught at yourself?  Please tell.  You will no longer have to laugh alone. 

Colin the Preschooler

With all the excitement of Kindergarten, I haven’t posted a single word about Colin starting preschool.  I am SO excited for Colin to have something that is just his – it’s “Colin’s school.”  He is such a sweet gentle spirit, he sometimes gets overshadowed by a charismatic older brother and VERY energetic twins just right below him.  So for him to have something that is HIS is so important to me.  He loves it!  He’s having a difficult transition in the morning, too, but I think I know why.  Since the twins were born (10/2006) we have literally been together every single day as a family.  We wear pj’s most days, snuggle on the couch, enjoy leisurely walks….we are a family unit for sure.  It was so difficult to get the kids to school or soccer or anything else, that we basically withdrew from everything and just focused on homelife these last 2 years.  Soooo, needless to say it is a major transition for us to be fragmented during the week.  I think it’s a healthy transition to walk through, AND I think I should celebrate that we are getting ”out” more and that the twins are toddlers now!  We’ve made it 2 years into twins….supposedly it gets easier from here!    I’ll keep you posted on that.

So, anyway – my sweet Colin….picking him up from Preschool is the highlight of my day – the number of hugs and kisses I receive are countless. His hugs and kisses are so yummy!!

Kindergarten update

Owen’s 1st day of Kindergarten & Colin’s 1st day of Preschool!!!!

All loaded up and ready to head out to Celebration School and to Windermere Union Preschool.

We have finished 2 weeks of Kindergarten…yeah for us!  Week #1 was great.  Sheer bliss.  On the 3rd day of school just after picking Owen up from school, he informs me “Mom, my school is so awesome!  Everyone is so big just like me.  There’s no crying, no whining, and no one messes with my stuff!”  It made me kind of sad, yet I totally understood.  Any gift Owen has ever received, whether special or insignificant has been destroyed somehow, someway.  I support his need to be with peers!  Needless to say, it caught me by great surpirse when Week #2 proved to be so challenging.

After 3 consecutive days of week2 of traumatic goodbyes and trying to get Owen into the classroom, we realized it was not just a tough adjustment – something was definitely going on.  So last Wednesday night, Jonathan spent a couple of hours with Owen….just the two of them.  Reading books, playing cars, just telling stories.  Finally he cracked.  Once the vault opened, he hardly came up for air for 2 solid hours!  Bless him!  Well, it turns out there is a “mean” kid on the playground.  He is not in Owen’s class, but all Kindergartener’s are on the playground at the same time.  The long and short of it is this – this child has never saught Owen out, rather the contrary.  Owen observed this child playing alone each day, and has gone to him each day asking if he’d like to play with him.  Owen actually asked “Would you like to be my friend?”  (Proud Mommy moment!!!!)  Well, it seems this child was a bit grouchy and yelled “NO!” each day right back at Owen.  

We tried to find the balance of what would be appropriate to share with Owen.  We talked about how Owen is doing a great job trying to be his friend, and should continue to be kind, treat him with respect, etc.  We let Owen know it sounds like he is just sad….Owen quickly said “On no daddy, he is not sad.  He is ANGRY!”  Owen is one smart cookie!  So now that we know the situation, and his teacher now understands why the morning transition has been so challenging, things are MUCH better.  We are all working with Owen on how to be loving AND assertive.  I’m not sure Jonathan and I have an assertiveness gene in our bodies, so it’s all going to be nuture, no nature! We encouraged him that when he is scared, to remember that God is ALWAYS with him, even when Mommy and Daddy aren’t.  He said “Mommy, I have a great idea!  When my friends cry at school and want their Mommy, I can tell them that – I can tell them that God is always there!”  Another proud mommy moment! 

So as you think of Owen, please say a prayer for him.   It’s been a big transition.  He is doing great, though.  I am so, so, so proud of him.

God is faithful

Wow.  God is faithful.  It seems a bit of an understatement, honestly.  Have you ever had a season (just about everyone has) where everything was turned so upside down and paths were so curvy that it was God’s faithfulness alone that carried you through?  Well, I have!  I sort of have that supermom syndrome – that I can do it ALL on my own, and too often try to do it in my own strength.  Sometimes you can get away with it, but only for so long.  It’s so nieve to think we can, really.  So why do we try?  Certainly a great mystery of life for me.  Anyway, I’m not talking about that kind of season where you can sort of hold things together in your own strength.  I’m talking about one of those seasons when you are being stretched and pulled emotionally, spiritually, even physically in so many opposing directions that you honestly walk around disoriented!!!!  Now come on – I know you relate!!     At least any of you mothers of twins out there relate.  Or maybe some of you church planters? 

Anyway, I really don’t have anything profound to say except that I’M MAKING IT…..I’m trying to not just survive, but PRAISE God I’m surviving!  Sometimes it’s okay to just praise God for survival.  Now is “survival” all that God has for us?  Definitely not.  His heart of hearts for each of our lives is to see us thrive in our relationships, in our families, in our gifts and talents.  So if you are just surviving – stop and praise God today that you have made it this far.  But just as I am doing this week, I am drawing a line in the sand and saying that from this point forward “survival” isn’t God’s best for me.  I want what HE wants for me, and that is peace, to hold onto my hope, and to never again even attempt to carry the stress of this life on my own shoulders – He’s here to carry me. 

Let me know if there’s anything I can be praying about.  On my end, please pray for a smooth transition for my sweet boys – Owen starts Kindergarten this week and Colin starts Preschool.  The twins won’t know what to do having Mommy ALL to themselves a few mornings a week!!  I really believe this is going to be a great year for each of the kids.  Believing the same for your families.   My sister Cindy is truly in need of a miracle.  I appreciate your prayers for her also – life, and life to the fullest.  God is faithful.

The Kindergarten countdown…

Owen (2 days old)

Owen, age 5 (Mother’s Day ’08)

Well, if you count the way our family counts (you never count the day you are in or the day you are counting to…we make a big to-do about it…funny i know!)….Owen begins Kindergarten in 5 DAYS!  I know that I am not the first Mom on the planet to be a bit emotional about this impending event.  However, I do feel that my Owen is extra special and so this is even a BIGGER deal (and yes, your 5-yr. old is special, too). 

Not to be too cheesy, but Owen “completes me”, as the famous quote from Jerry Maguire goes.  He is no ordinary 5-yr. old.  At age 2.5 he become a big brother.  Not so unusual.  However just one year later at age 3, he was the big brother to 3 adoring siblings.  I recall during the twin pregnancy wondering how on earth he would adjust and cope.  I knew Colin would be fine as he was too young to know any better….God love Colin.  But Owen had soaked in every minute of his first 2.5 years of being our one and only.  He struggled a bit through the transition of bringing Colin home from the hospital, so what was I going to be in for?

He adjusted so well.  So well, in fact, that he has become my official helper and partner to making life tick in the Spuler household.  This story is just an example of the special boy I will be missing for 8 long hours each day come September 18….

-The twins had to be only 2 or 3 months old.  I know it was early on, because I was so tired that each morning I felt I had a hangover.  Rough nights of nursing twins often led to mornings of 2 babies crying and I was completely tuned out and couldn’t hear them.  Jonathan would nearly have to put an ice cube on my nose to get me to come to!  Well….this particular morning Jonathan and I heard something coming form the monitor that didn’t sound like a baby…..it was Owen!  We listened for a few minutes but all we could hear was some jumping and  talking.  Then jumping and some more talking.  And again…..and so it went.  The twins sounded content, but I thought it was time to go and see what was going on.  Owen, being the problem solver that he is, had found my nursing footstool and was dragging it back and forth from Emma’s crib to Ethan’s crib.  He would stand on the stool, give the baby his or her pacifier, and talk baby talk with the baby until the other baby cried and beckoned his attention.  He’d jump down (that was the thud we kept hearing), drag the footstool across the room, and begin the routine all over again with the next baby!  Too cute!  I stood for a minute and watched…..Owen was unaware i had awaken.  Suddenly, both babies were crying and he seemed flustered.  Owen yelled out – “Mommy, I’m going to need your help!  It’s tough taking care of 2 babies!  I just can’t do it!” 

So at 4 years old he thought it was his job to keep his siblings contect and happy!  No matter how many times I’ve talked with him that it is NOT his job to keep ANYONE happy….he says “Mom, God made me the big brother!  It is my job to take care of them.  Seriously Mom.”  So I am thankful for this sense of responsibility that God has given him – it’s certainly no result of our training!  I wouldn’t have been so smart!!  So yeah God.  He’s always got a plan. 

So here’s hoping that Owen will feel free to just be a kid as he heads off to school, and that he’ll leave the great responsiblity of being a big brother at home.  And here’s to hoping and praying Colin will learn how to fill sippy cups, search for missing pacifiers, do a song and dance in a moment’s notice….simply ANYTHING to help Mommy keep the twins under control.  It will be a special year with Colin and to see him blossom and grow as he is given the opportunity to shine.  Can’t wait to report a successful transition soon. 

I’m also praying for you as your families begin a new year too.  I’m thinking of my cousin Kim who also has 4, but is sending her oldest to college; of Penni and Stephen Pinegar who have entrusted us with their oldest daugher Stephanie who is going to college in Orlando; for my sister Angie who is HOMESCHOOLING for the first time!!!!  Actually, let’s just all pray for ANGIE!!!  Ha ha – she’ll be great!  I believe God is going to give each of us the grace and knowledge we need to navigate through a successful year for our families.  Keep me posted how things go for your kids.