I laugh out loud every time I try to say how many people are in our family now. Seven. I usually say 8 first (because I keep losing count), then I remember I just had ONE baby this time (hee hee) which brings us to a grand total of (drumroll please)……Seven Spulers. I just love when I’m out with Gage by myself and I’m asked if he’s my first. I’m probably asked that because I’m gazing at him and drooling over him the way most first-time moms do. I don’t have the words to explain what a TIMELY blessing my sweet Gage has been. Anyhoo, back to the first time mom thing. I love…I L-O-V-E the reaction on people’s faces when I say he’s my 5th! Priceless!! This is usually followed by them telling me how young I look (this part is good for me!), and I proceed to brag and give details on all of my kids as if they’d asked. 
I am in love. For real. Never have I felt that one of my babes was such a direct and timely and purposed gift from God. I believe this to be true of all of my kids (and yours too!) – their value is so far beyond anything in this world. However, I’m just so much more aware this time around with sweet baby Gage. I’m asked so often “how am I doing it? how am I doing with soooo much at once….new baby….grief?” Honestly, I don’t know. Somedays I’m not doing it, whatever “it” is. If “it” is surviving, then yes, I accomplish that one day at a time. If “it” is surviving gracefully and purposefully then I’d have to say I many days take a pass.
I feel like I’m learning how to ride a bike all over again, and it’s not coming back easily. Nothing feels natural. Everything feels deliberate and intentional. Learning to live this life without Mom is unnatural. I have to say – I’m faking it……which reminds me of a Bevism!! ”Choose it until you feel it.” (Sidenote: A Bevism is a phrase my mom was famous for saying.) I’ll never forget her teaching me this about forgiveness. That forgiveness is not a feeling, that we CHOOSE to forgive. If we’re faithful to choose it one day at a time, eventually “our emotions will line up with our choice.” Ahhh. I love that! So, I’m doing as my mom taught me to do. I’m transferring her principal over to how to deal with grief. I will choose to be present, purposeful, and passionate about life…..and I will keep choosing it until my emotions line up with my choice. I’m pretty sure Mom was just teaching me a universal lesson on faith. See Hebrews 11 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2011&version=NIV). Wow. If that were the only lesson I learned from her, that’s a lesson I will cherish and that has changed me.
I’m sort of liking the randomness of this blog, and so I will continue into the sea of randomness. Looking up at the title of this post – “And then there were…SEVEN” I’m thinking I feel a sense of completion and and a sense of rest that God must have felt on that seventh day. Work, work, work, work, work, work. Rest. The rest God has given me in my sweet precious Gage is indescribable. At a time in life where I’m experiencing loss and grief that i’ve never known. Uncharted territory. He’s used the gift of all gifts – the gift of life – to bring me rest. Thank you Lord for your surprises. As I always say and hope to be famously known for – “God surprises are the best surprises!” Thank you Lord for your provision of rest in this time of grief. One day at a time, I will choose.
By faith.
